Sports Quotes

If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score?
Vince Lombardi 

It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.
Muhammad Ali 

Golf is a good walk spoiled. 

Mark Twain 

I'm tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok. 

Shaquille O'Neal 

I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. 

Michael Jordan 

Show me a good loser, and I'll show you a loser. 

Vince Lombardi 

Good, better, best. Never let it rest. Until your good is better and your better is best. 

Tim Duncan 

Adversity causes some men to break; others to break records. 

William Arthur Ward 

Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you. 

Satchel Paige 

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out. 

Rodney Dangerfield 

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. 

Mark Twain 

Serious sport has nothing to do with fair play. It is bound up with hatred, jealousy, boastfulness, disregard of all rules and sadistic pleasure in witnessing violence. In other words, it is war minus the shooting. 

George Orwell 

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true. 

Yogi Berra 

He hits it long. His shoulders are impressively quick through the ball. That's where he's getting his power from. He's young and has great elasticity. 

Nick Faldo 

Football is violence and cold weather and sex and college rye. 

Roger Kahn 

I was showing early symptoms of becoming a professional baseball man. I was lying to the press. 

Roger Kahn 

Tennis and golf are best played, not watched. 

Roger Kahn 

Play is the only way the highest intelligence of humankind can unfold. 

Joseph Chilton Pearce 

He hits the ball a long way and he knows how to win. 

Gary McCord 

He's got an overall flair for the game. It looks to me like he really loves what he does and he can't wait to get up in the morning, go hit some balls and go play. 

Gary McCord 

You spend a good piece of your life gripping a baseball and in the end it turns out that it was the other way around all the time. 

Jim Bouton 

Any time Detroit scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100 points they almost always win. 

Doug Collins 

He's got everything. He' not a great player yet because he hasn't won any major championships, but it's a matter of time. He's an outstanding talent. I didn't realize how tall he is. 

Nick Price 

Overall the fundamentals seem to be there and he's obviously got a very mature head on his shoulders. He's got a kind of presence. 

Nick Price 

The bell that tolls for all in boxing belongs to a cash register. 

Bob Verdi 

What's unfortunate about buying a pitcher for $12 million is that he carries no warranty. 

Bob Verdi 

There was endless action - not just football, but sailboats, tennis and other things: movement. There was endless talk - the ambassador at the head of the table laying out the prevailing wisdom, but everyone else weighing in with their opinions and taking part. 

Charles Spalding 

If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up. 

Tommy Bolt 

There are two theories on hitting the knuckleball. Unfortunately, neither of them works. 

Charley Lau 

The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie. 

George Deukmejian 

Perhaps the single most important element in mastering the techniques and tactics of racing is experience. But once you have the fundamentals, acquiring the experience is a matter of time. 

Greg LeMond 

You don't suffer, kill yourself and take the risks I take just for money. I love bike racing. 

Greg LeMond 

Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. 

Jim Bishop 

What other people may find in poetry or art museums, I find in the flight of a good drive. 

Arnold Palmer 

Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty. 

Harry Vardon 

The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight. 

Ben Hogan 

Relax? How can anybody relax and play golf? You have to grip the club, don't you? 

Ben Hogan 

The two most important things in life are good friends and a strong bullpen. 

Bob Lemon 

I'm a competitive person and I love the challenge of mastering new things. 

Sasha Cohen 

The difference between the old ballplayer and the new ballplayer is the jersey. The old ballplayer cared about the name on the front. The new ballplayer cares about the name on the back. 

Steve Garvey 

You know they're not going to lose 162 consecutive games. 

Harry Caray 

The fewer rules a coach has, the fewer rules there are for players to break. 

John Madden 

I'm not buddy-buddy with the players. If they need a buddy, let them buy a dog. 

Whitey Herzog 

Pro football is like nuclear warfare. There are no winners, only survivors. 

Frank Gifford 

I went through baseball as "a player to be named later." 

Joe Garagiola 

One thing you learned as a Cubs fan: when you bought you ticket, you could bank on seeing the bottom of the ninth. 

Joe Garagiola 

Baseball is a public trust. Players turn over, owners turn over and certain commissioners turn over. But baseball goes on. 

Peter Ueberroth 

Other sports play once a week but this sport is with us every day. 

Peter Ueberroth 

Olympism is the marriage of sport and culture. 

Juan Antonio Samaranch 

Many baseball fans look upon an umpire as a sort of necessary evil to the luxury of baseball, like the odor that follows an automobile. 

Christy Mathewson 

The integrity of the game is everything. 

Peter Ueberroth 

I started playing ball when I was a kid. My dad was a pro ball player and he passed on his knowledge to me. 

Kurt Russell 

I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play. 

Joe E. Lewis 

If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death. 

Sam Snead 

The triple is the most exciting play in baseball. Home runs win a lot of games, but I never understood why fans are so obsessed with them. 

Hank Aaron 

Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing. 

Ben Hogan 

The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass. 

Martin Mull 

Nobody's a natural. You work hard to get good and then work to get better. It's hard to stay on top. 

Paul Coffey 

If I weren't earning $3 million a year to dunk a basketball, most people on the street would run in the other direction if they saw me coming. 

Charles Barkley 

Golf is a game in which you yell "fore," shoot six, and write down five. 

Paul Harvey 

What's a good tournament for him? Winning it. He's good enough. 

Greg Norman 

When I was 40, my doctor advised me that a man in his 40s shouldn't play tennis. I heeded his advice carefully and could hardly wait until I reached 50 to start again. 

Hugo Black 

I'll let the racket do the talking. 

John McEnroe 

Trying to sneak a fastball past Hank Aaron is like trying to sneak the sunrise past a rooster. 

Joe Adcock 

You always get a special kick on opening day, no matter how many you go through. You look forward to it like a birthday party when you're a kid. You think something wonderful is going to happen. 

Joe DiMaggio 

Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk. 

Grantland Rice 

I don't know why people question the academic training of an athlete. Fifty percent of the doctors in this country graduated in the bottom half of their classes. 

Al McGuire 

Hitting is timing. Pitching is upsetting timing. 

Warren Spahn 

It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf. 

Robert Wilson Lynd 

New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there. Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up. 

Jimmy Connors 

If you got the game, you got the game. That's why Tiger Woods is out there playing golf with Greg Norman. 

Shaquille O'Neal 

Bulls do not win bull fights. People do. 

Norman Ralph Augustine 

You don't play against opponents, you play against the game of basketball. 

Bobby Knight 

You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work. 

Lee Trevino 

Gray skies are just clouds passing over. 

Frank Gifford 

Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness. 

William Wordsworth 

If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt. 

Dean Martin 

If a tie is like kissing your sister, losing is like kissing you grandmother with her teeth out. 

George Brett 

My family knew, but most of the sporting world did not realize that my right hand been some 75% paralyzed. 

Bill Toomey 

Baseball life is a tough life on the family. 

Nolan Ryan 

The only way to prove that you're a good sport is to lose. 

Ernie Banks 

Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple. 

Barry Switzer 

I had pro offers from the Detroit Lions and Green Bay Packers, who were pretty hard up for linemen in those days. If I had gone into professional football the name Jerry Ford might have been a household word today. 

Gerald R. Ford 

I don't want to play golf. When I hit a ball, I want someone else to go chase it. 

Rogers Hornsby 

There isn't a flaw in his golf or his makeup. He will win more majors than Arnold Palmer and me combined. Somebody is going to dust my records. It might as well be Tiger, because he's such a great kid. 

Jack Nicklaus 

He has the finest, fundamentally sound golf swing I've ever seen. 

Jack Nicklaus 

He's going to be around a long, long time, if his body holds up. That's always a concern with a lot of players because of how much they play. A lot of guys can't handle it. But it looks like he can. 

Jack Nicklaus 

Nobody roots for Goliath. 

Wilt Chamberlain 

Sometimes in football you have to score goals. 

Thierry Henry 

Baseball is drama with an endless run and an ever-changing cast. 

Joe Garagiola 

Life is about timing. 

Carl Lewis 

Golf is a game in which one endeavors to control a ball with implements ill adapted for the purpose. 

Woodrow Wilson 

I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators. 

Gerald R. Ford 

Success is where preparation and opportunity meet. 

Bobby Unser 

Baseball is almost the only orderly thing in a very unorderly world. If you get three strikes, even the best lawyer in the world can't get you off. 

Bill Veeck 

You know it's going to hell when the best rapper out there is white and the best golfer is black. 

Charles Barkley 

Wrestling is ballet with violence. 

Jesse Ventura 

It's a round ball and a round bat, and you got to hit it square. 

Pete Rose 

Baseball is a game where a curve is an optical illusion, a screwball can be a pitch or a person, stealing is legal and you can spit anywhere you like except in the umpire's eye or on the ball. 

James Patrick Murray 

Tennis is a perfect combination of violent action taking place in an atmosphere of total tranquillity. 

Billie Jean King 

Sports are a microcosm of society. 

Billie Jean King 

Sports do not build character. They reveal it. 

Heywood Broun 

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. 

Bob Hope 

Most ball games are lost, not won. 

Casey Stengel 

Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five. 

John Updike 

All sports for all people. 

Pierre de Coubertin 

If you meet the Buddha in the lane, feed him the ball. 

Phil Jackson 

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards? 

Al Boliska 

One man practicing sportsmanship is far better than a hundred teaching it. 

Knute Rockne 

Boxing has become America's tragic theater. 

Joyce Carol Oates 

You win some, lose some, and wreck some. 

Dale Earnhardt 

Baseball happens to be a game of cumulative tension but football, basketball and hockey are played with hand grenades and machine guns. 

John Leonard 

Approach the game with no preset agendas and you'll probably come away surprised at your overall efforts. 

Phil Jackson 

Bobby Knight told me this: 'There is nothing that a good defense cannot beat a better offense.' In other words a good offense wins. 

Dan Quayle 

A lifetime of training for just ten seconds. 

Jesse Owens 

Football is an incredible game. Sometimes it's so incredible, it's unbelievable. 

Tom Landry 

Baseball is the only field of endeavor where a man can succeed three times out of ten and be considered a good performer. 

Ted Williams 

I'd just as soon play tennis with the net down. 

Robert Frost 

Basketball is like war in that offensive weapons are developed first, and it always takes a while for the defense to catch up. 

Red Auerbach 

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead. 

Erma Bombeck 

The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green. 

Ernest Hemingway 

Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face. 

Dave Barry 

I always turn to the sports pages first, which records people's accomplishments. The front page has nothing but man's failures. 

Earl Warren 

Fans don't boo nobodies. 

Reggie Jackson 

God made me fast. And when I run, I feel His pleasure. 

Eric Liddell 

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. 

Jack Benny 

Fishing is much more than fish. It is the great occasion when we may return to the fine simplicity of our forefathers. 

Herbert Hoover 

I won't predict anything historic. But nothing is impossible. 

Michael Phelps 

Do you know what my favorite part of the game is? The opportunity to play. 

Mike Singletary 

You can't win unless you learn how to lose. 

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar 

Just play. Have fun. Enjoy the game. 

Michael Jordan 

My motto was always to keep swinging. Whether I was in a slump or feeling badly or having trouble off the field, the only thing to do was keep swinging. 

Hank Aaron 

Most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they've got a second. 

William James 

Baseball has the great advantage over cricket of being sooner ended. 

George Bernard Shaw 

Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught. 

Ambrose Bierce 

All hockey players are bilingual. They know English and profanity. 

Gordie Howe 

Winning is habit. Unfortunately, so is losing. 

Vince Lombardi 

Gold medals aren't really made of gold. They're made of sweat, determination, and a hard-to-find alloy called guts. 

Dan Gable 

I see great things in baseball. It's our game - the American game. 

Walt Whitman 

Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps. 

Tiger Woods 

People ask me what I do in winter when there's no baseball. I'll tell you what I do. I stare out the window and wait for spring. 

Rogers Hornsby 

These are my new shoes. They're good shoes. They won't make you rich like me, they won't make you rebound like me, they definitely won't make you handsome like me. They'll only make you have shoes like me. That's it. 

Charles Barkley 

I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies. 

Will Rogers 

The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. 

Billy Graham 

Champions keep playing until they get it right. 

Billie Jean King 

I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles. 

Gilbert K. Chesterton 

I am building a fire, and everyday I train, I add more fuel. At just the right moment, I light the match. 

Mia Hamm 

You wouldn't have won if we'd beaten you. 

Yogi Berra 

Baseball players are smarter than football players. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field? 

Jim Bouton 

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. 

Jack Lemmon 

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Funny Quotes

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
Mark Twain

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.

Albert Einstein

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

Benjamin Franklin

If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.

Albert Einstein

My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.

Winston Churchill

All generalizations are false, including this one.

Mark Twain

By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.

Mark Twain

Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement.

Ronald Reagan

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

Mark Twain

All generalizations are false, including this one.

Mark Twain

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

Steven Wright

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Steven Wright

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

Steven Wright

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

Steven Wright

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

Steven Wright

What's another word for Thesaurus?

Steven Wright

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

Bertrand Russell

The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.

Bertrand Russell

You see much more of your children once they leave home.

Lucille Ball

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Lana Turner

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

Lewis Black

Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?

Elayne Boosler

A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers.

Kevin Nealon

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me.

Elayne Boosler

When the sun comes up, I have morals again.

Elayne Boosler

Someone told me that when they go to Vermont, they feel like they're home. I'm that way at Saks.

Caroline Rhea

I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me.

Dylan Moran

Whoever is my relative, I will not be nice to them.

George Lopez

I'm a misplaced American, but don't know where I was misplaced.

Ruby Wax

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

Les Dawson

My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?

Margaret Smith

I may be a living legend, but that sure don't help when I've got to change a flat tire.

Roy Orbison

If at first you don't succeed, blame your parents.

Marcelene Cox

There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap.

Kevin James

I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.

Paula Poundstone

My life needs editing.

Mort Sahl

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.

Jimmy Durante

My mother was against me being an actress - until I introduced her to Frank Sinatra.

Angie Dickinson

I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.

Richard Lewis

When you're in love it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life.

Richard Lewis

I like children - fried.

W. C. Fields

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

W. C. Fields

Never have more children than you have car windows.

Erma Bombeck

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.

Erma Bombeck

Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.

Victor Hugo

Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.

H. L. Mencken

It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.

H. L. Mencken

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

Rodney Dangerfield

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

Rodney Dangerfield

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

Rodney Dangerfield

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Groucho Marx

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

Groucho Marx

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

Mitch Hedberg

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Mitch Hedberg

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

Mitch Hedberg

I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.

Mitch Hedberg

This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... it's dirty.

Mitch Hedberg

A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.

Yogi Berra

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

Bill Cosby

I never said most of the things I said.

Yogi Berra

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

Walt Disney

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

Bill Cosby

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

Bill Cosby

The superfluous, a very necessary thing.

Voltaire

I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.

Will Rogers

I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.

Will Rogers

I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.

Will Rogers

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

Warren Buffett

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

W. C. Fields

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

Erma Bombeck

A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children.

David Brenner

Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?

Don Rickles

Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups.

Cathy Guisewite

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.

Joe E. Lewis

It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether.

Johnny Vegas

Defy your own group. Rebel against yourself.

Cathy Guisewite

That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard.

Joe Rogan

When I go to a bar, I don't go looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine.

David Brenner

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

Elayne Boosler

Never put a sock in a toaster.

Eddie Izzard

I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.

Eddie Izzard

All my children inherited perfect pitch.

Chevy Chase

The one thing you shouldn't do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere.

Jimmy Fallon

Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish.

Chevy Chase

If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.

Rob Corddry

Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese.

Luis Bunuel

If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.

William Lyon Phelps

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

Lewis Black

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.

Brooke Shields

When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we're schizophrenic.

Jane Wagner

I'm kidding about having only a few dollars. I might have a few dollars more.

James Brown

Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.

Joey Adams

Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.

Bill Vaughan

Every man's dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands.

Jerry Lewis

I wish I had the nerve not to tip.

Paul Lynde

I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.

Paul Lynde

I'd never been in play long enough for the flowers to die in the dressing room.

Mercedes McCambridge

I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host.

David Letterman

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

David Lee Roth

As I get older, I just prefer to knit.

Tracey Ullman

I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry.

Norman Wisdom

I think serial monogamy says it all.

Tracey Ullman

The day I made that statement, about the inventing the internet, I was tired because I'd been up all night inventing the Camcorder.

Al Gore

If you want to be thought a liar, always tell the truth.

Logan P. Smith

My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.

Mike Myers

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

Joe E. Lewis

Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell.

Robert Byrne

We need two kinds of acquaintances, one to complain to, while to the others we boast.

Logan P. Smith

People say that life is the thing, but I prefer reading.

Logan P. Smith

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, "At my age, I don't even buy green bananas."

Claude Pepper

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.

Ellen DeGeneres

If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.

Johnny Carson

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

Johnny Carson

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Johnny Carson

My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.

Jay London

I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights.

Jay London

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.

Jay London

Do not let a flattering woman coax and wheedle you and deceive you; she is after your barn.

Hesiod

Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.

Lewis Mumford

People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.

Ellen DeGeneres

I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut.

Ellen DeGeneres

If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.

Tallulah Bankhead

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.

Natalie Wood

I rant, therefore I am.

Dennis Miller

There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.

Dennis Miller

God did not intend religion to be an exercise club.

Naguib Mahfouz

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.

Oscar Levant

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.

Jay Leno

We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect.

Alanis Morissette

The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.

Jay Leno

I like marriage. The idea.

Toni Morrison

I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says 'go outside.'

Demetri Martin

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

Demetri Martin

All men are equal before fish.

Herbert Hoover

If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat!

Demetri Martin

A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.

Don Marquis

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

Billy Connolly

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.

Robert Benchley

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

Billy Connolly

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.

Robert Benchley

Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of.

Robert Benchley

Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?

Robert Benchley

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

Don Marquis

I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty.

Imelda Marcos

Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint.

Don Marquis

I'm undaunted in my quest to amuse myself by constantly changing my hair.

Hillary Clinton

If I want to knock a story off the front page, I just change my hairstyle.

Hillary Clinton

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

Red Skelton

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

Buddy Hackett

I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier.

Howard Nemerov

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.

Fred Allen

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

Milton Berle

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.

Fred Allen

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

Fred Allen

You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.

Milton Berle

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

Chris Rock

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

Robert Orben

Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.

Robert Orben

Television has brought back murder into the home - where it belongs.

Alfred Hitchcock

Have enough sense to know, ahead of time, when your skills will not extend to wallpapering.

Marilyn vos Savant

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.

Mel Brooks

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

Spike Milligan

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.

Mel Brooks

My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.

Spike Milligan

He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.

Zsa Zsa Gabor

Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!

Steve Martin

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.

Steve Martin

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

Spike Milligan

I can speak Esperanto like a native.

Spike Milligan

I don't need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.

Stephen Fry

A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.

Milton Berle

Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.

Bill Maher

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often.

Oliver Herford

I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.

Robin Williams

Men are only as loyal as their options.

Bill Maher

I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.

Bob Hope

If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?

Robin Williams

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

Robin Williams

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

Bob Hope

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Fred Allen

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

Jerry Seinfeld

If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.

Bob Hope

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.

Jerry Seinfeld

The next time you have a thought... let it go.

Ron White

California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

Fred Allen

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

Jerry Seinfeld

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

Rita Rudner

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

Rita Rudner

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

Rita Rudner

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior."

Rita Rudner

Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.

Lenny Bruce

A man doesn't know what he knows until he knows what he doesn't know.

Laurence J. Peter

How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.

Emo Philips

Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.

Laurence J. Peter

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

Emo Philips

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.

Emo Philips

Television has changed the American child from an irresistable force to an immovable object.

Laurence J. Peter

I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead.

Samuel Goldwyn

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

Jack Benny

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Jerry Seinfeld

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Steve Martin

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

Joan Rivers

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

Joan Rivers

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.

Hedy Lamarr

Never floss with a stranger.

Joan Rivers

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

Ron White

One man's folly is another man's wife.

Helen Rowland

Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.

James Thurber

Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?

James Thurber

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

Casey Stengel

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

Henny Youngman

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

Henny Youngman

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

Fran Lebowitz

You're only as good as your last haircut.

Fran Lebowitz

It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.

Thomas Sowell

Polite conversation is rarely either.

Fran Lebowitz

I have never been hurt by what I have not said.

Calvin Coolidge

Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.

Josh Billings

There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory.

Josh Billings

Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.

Josh Billings

There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.

Josh Billings

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

George Burns

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

George Burns

Be obscure clearly.

E. B. White

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

George Burns

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.

George Burns

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

George Burns

Everything in life is somewhere else, and you get there in a car.

E. B. White

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

Laurence J. Peter

Communism is like one big phone company.

Lenny Bruce

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?

Lily Tomlin

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

Henry A. Kissinger

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

Lily Tomlin

Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative.

Henry A. Kissinger

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.

Frank Sinatra

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Margaret Mead

I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way.

Carl Sandburg

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

Frank Lloyd Wright

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Dave Barry

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.

Dave Barry

I'm for whatever gets you through the night.

Frank Sinatra

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

Jim Carrey

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

Phyllis Diller

By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.

Richard Dawkins

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

Phyllis Diller

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.

Phyllis Diller

I have a love interest in every one of my films: a gun.

Arnold Schwarzenegger

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said, Thyroid problem?

Arnold Schwarzenegger

It's simple, if it jiggles, it's fat.

Arnold Schwarzenegger

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

Isaac Asimov

Life is hard. After all, it kills you.

Katharine Hepburn

I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends.

Walt Whitman

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.

Elbert Hubbard

O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.

Saint Augustine

Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.

Samuel Butler

Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I'm afraid it did.

Bette Davis

I'd luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.

Bette Davis

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Woody Allen

I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.

Charles M. Schulz

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

Woody Allen

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

Woody Allen

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

Woody Allen

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

Woody Allen

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

Douglas Adams

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?

W. Clement Stone

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

P. J. O'Rourke

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

P. J. O'Rourke

Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.

P. J. O'Rourke

Never fight an inanimate object.

P. J. O'Rourke

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

Lily Tomlin

You can find more Funny Quotes here: http://www.coolfunnyquotes.com/

Art Quotes

In art the best is good enough.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Every artist was first an amateur.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Art is the proper task of life.

Friedrich Nietzsche

Life imitates art far more than art imitates Life.

Oscar Wilde

A picture is worth a thousand words.

Napoleon Bonaparte

Art is the proper task of life.

Friedrich Nietzsche

We have art in order not to die of the truth.

Friedrich Nietzsche

The essence of all beautiful art, all great art, is gratitude.

Friedrich Nietzsche

No great artist ever sees things as they really are. If he did, he would cease to be an artist.

Oscar Wilde

Art is the most intense mode of individualism that the world has known.

Oscar Wilde

Without tradition, art is a flock of sheep without a shepherd. Without innovation, it is a corpse.

Winston Churchill

True art is characterized by an irresistible urge in the creative artist.

Albert Einstein

Art is the stored honey of the human soul, gathered on wings of misery and travail.

Theodore Dreiser

Art is an invention of aesthetics, which in turn is an invention of philosophers... What we call art is a game.

Octavio Paz

Art is the desire of a man to express himself, to record the reactions of his personality to the world he lives in.

Amy Lowell

A sculptor is a person who is interested in the shape of things, a poet in words, a musician by sounds.

Henry Moore

It is a mistake for a sculptor or a painter to speak or write very often about his job. It releases tension needed for his work.

Henry Moore

Wherever art appears, life disappears.

Robert Motherwell

The more horrifying this world becomes, the more art becomes abstract.

Ellen Key

I paint with shapes.

Alexander Calder

To an engineer, good enough means perfect. With an artist, there's no such thing as perfect.

Alexander Calder

Every time a student walks past a really urgent, expressive piece of architecture that belongs to his college, it can help reassure him that he does have that mind, does have that soul.

Louis Kahn

An artist is never ahead of his time but most people are far behind theirs.

Edgard Varese

When I think of art I think of beauty. Beauty is the mystery of life. It is not in the eye it is in the mind. In our minds there is awareness of perfection.

Agnes Martin

Photography takes an instant out of time, altering life by holding it still.

Dorothea Lange

The artist who aims at perfection in everything achieves it in nothing.

Eugene Delacroix

I think of my peace paintings as one long poem, with each painting being a single stanza.

Robert Indiana

I realize that protest paintings are not exactly in vogue, but I've done many.

Robert Indiana

I was the least Pop of all the Pop artists.

Robert Indiana

Art is the unceasing effort to compete with the beauty of flowers - and never succeeding.

Gian Carlo Menotti

The artist's world is limitless. It can be found anywhere, far from where he lives or a few feet away. It is always on his doorstep.

Paul Strand

The arts are an even better barometer of what is happening in our world than the stock market or the debates in congress.

Hendrik Willem Van Loon

A great artist is always before his time or behind it.

George Edward Moore

Culture is the arts elevated to a set of beliefs.

Thomas Wolfe

Immature artists imitate. Mature artists steal.

Lionel Trilling

Every other artist begins with a blank canvas, a piece of paper the photographer begins with the finished product.

Edward Steichen

When that shutter clicks, anything else that can be done afterward is not worth consideration.

Edward Steichen

Photography is a major force in explaining man to man.

Edward Steichen

When I make art, I think about its ability to connect with others, to bring them into the process.

Jim Hodges

My imagination can picture no fairer happiness than to continue living for art.

Clara Schumann

Abstract art: a product of the untalented sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered.

Al Capp

I think about my work every minute of the day.

Jeff Koons

My hand is the extension of the thinking process - the creative process.

Tadao Ando

Art ought never to be considered except in its relations with its ideal beauty.

Alfred de Vigny

If a building becomes architecture, then it is art.

Arne Jacobsen

What makes photography a strange invention is that its primary raw materials are light and time.

John Berger

To send light into the darkness of men's hearts - such is the duty of the artist.

Robert Schumann

A painting that is well composed is half finished.

Pierre Bonnard

In an artwork you're always looking for artistic decisions, so an ashtray is perfect. An ashtray has got life and death.

Damien Hirst

Art is subject to arbitrary fashion.

Kary Mullis

Art hurts. Art urges voyages - and it is easier to stay at home.

Gwendolyn Brooks

It is art that makes life, makes interest, makes importance and I know of no substitute whatever for the force and beauty of its process.

Max Eastman

The history of modern art is also the history of the progressive loss of art's audience. Art has increasingly become the concern of the artist and the bafflement of the public.

Paul Gauguin

To me, photography is the simultaneous recognition, in a fraction of a second, of the significance of an event.

Henri Cartier-Bresson

The creative act lasts but a brief moment, a lightning instant of give-and-take, just long enough for you to level the camera and to trap the fleeting prey in your little box.

Henri Cartier-Bresson

Artists don't make objects. Artists make mythologies.

Anish Kapoor

I like to pretend that my art has nothing to do with me.

Roy Lichtenstein

Art doesn't transform. It just plain forms.

Roy Lichtenstein

The principles of true art is not to portray, but to evoke.

Jerzy Kosinski

The principle of art is to pause, not bypass.

Jerzy Kosinski

Mournful and yet grand is the destiny of the artist.

Franz Liszt

My love of fine art increased - the more of it I saw, the more of it I wanted to see.

Paul Getty

The beauty one can find in art is one of the pitifully few real and lasting products of human endeavor.

Paul Getty

I think an artist's responsibility is more complex than people realize.

Jodie Foster

Murals in restaurants are on a par with the food in museums.

Peter De Vries

Art is a revolt against fate. All art is a revolt against man's fate.

Andre Malraux

All art is autobiographical. The pearl is the oyster's autobiography.

Federico Fellini

Vision is the true creative rhythm.

Robert Delaunay

Painting is by nature a luminous language.

Robert Delaunay

Light in Nature creates the movement of colors.

Robert Delaunay

Art in Nature is rhythmic and has a horror of constraint.

Robert Delaunay

Painting is easy when you don't know how, but very difficult when you do.

Edgar Degas

The artist one day falls through a hole in the brambles, and from that moment he is following the dark rapids of an underground river which may sometimes flow so near to the surface that the laughing picnic parties are heard above.

Cyril Connolly

When I work, and in my art, I hold hands with God.

Robert Mapplethorpe

To make pictures big is to make them more powerful.

Robert Mapplethorpe

Things are beautiful if you love them.

Jean Anouilh

No heirloom of humankind captures the past as do art and language.

Theodore Bikel

The moment you cheat for the sake of beauty, you know you're an artist.

David Hockney

The perfection of art is to conceal art.

Quintilian

An artist is not paid for his labor but for his vision.

James Whistler

I've been called many names like perfectionist, difficult and obsessive. I think it takes obsession, takes searching for the details for any artist to be good.

Barbra Streisand

I don't want to be interesting. I want to be good.

Ludwig Mies van der Rohe

I don't think there's any artist of any value who doesn't doubt what they're doing.

Francis Ford Coppola

Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves that they have a better idea.

John Ciardi

Trying to force creativity is never good.

Sarah McLachlan

I've never really had a hobby, unless you count art, which the IRS once told me I had to declare as a hobby since I hadn't made money with it.

Laurie Anderson

That's the motivation of an artist - to seek attention of some kind.

James Taylor

Art is the only way to run away without leaving home.

Twyla Tharp

Lesser artists borrow, great artists steal.

Igor Stravinsky

An artist cannot fail; it is a success to be one.

Charles Horton Cooley

Art is either plagiarism or revolution.

Paul Gauguin

Great art picks up where nature ends.

Marc Chagall

Art produces ugly things which frequently become more beautiful with time. Fashion, on the other hand, produces beautiful things which always become ugly with time.

Jean Cocteau

By the work one knows the workman.

Jean de La Fontaine

Rationalism is the enemy of art, though necessary as a basis for architecture.

Arthur Erickson

Vitality is radiated from exceptional art and architecture.

Arthur Erickson

What art offers is space - a certain breathing room for the spirit.

John Updike

Every good painter paints what he is.

Jackson Pollock

I have no fear of making changes, destroying the image, etc., because the painting has a life of its own.

Jackson Pollock

My painting does not come from the easel.

Jackson Pollock

Time extracts various values from a painter's work. When these values are exhausted the pictures are forgotten, and the more a picture has to give, the greater it is.

Henri Matisse

Drawing is like making an expressive gesture with the advantage of permanence.

Henri Matisse

Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.

Scott Adams

I don't paint things. I only paint the difference between things.

Henri Matisse

You begin with the possibilities of the material.

Robert Rauschenberg

Beauty in art is often nothing but ugliness subdued.

Jean Rostand

Artists themselves are not confined, but their output is.

Robert Smithson

The very essence of the creative is its novelty, and hence we have no standard by which to judge it.

Carl Rogers

Art, in itself, is an attempt to bring order out of chaos.

Stephen Sondheim

The writer, when he is also an artist, is someone who admits what others don't dare reveal.

Elia Kazan

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

Auguste Rodin

Every human is an artist. The dream of your life is to make beautiful art.

Miguel Angel Ruiz

The task of art today is to bring chaos into order.

Theodor Adorno

Trifles make perfection, and perfection is no trifle.

Michelangelo

The true work of art is but a shadow of the divine perfection.

Michelangelo

Pictures deface walls more often than they decorate them.

William Wordsworth

I cry out for order and find it only in art.

Helen Hayes

Artists who seek perfection in everything are those who cannot attain it in anything.

Gustave Flaubert

Of all lies, art is the least untrue.

Gustave Flaubert

A writer should write with his eyes and a painter paint with his ears.

Gertrude Stein

Art is the right hand of Nature. The latter has only given us being, the former has made us men.

Friedrich Schiller

Every creator painfully experiences the chasm between his inner vision and its ultimate expression.

Isaac Bashevis Singer

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

Emile Zola

An artist is a dreamer consenting to dream of the actual world.

George Santayana

Even a true artist does not always produce art.

Carroll O'Connor

The artist belongs to his work, not the work to the artist.

Novalis

Ads are the cave art of the twentieth century.

Marshall McLuhan

Advertising is the greatest art form of the 20th century.

Marshall McLuhan

A good painting to me has always been like a friend. It keeps me company, comforts and inspires.

Hedy Lamarr

Every artist writes his own autobiography.

Havelock Ellis

I found I could say things with color and shapes that I couldn't say any other way - things I had no words for.

Georgia O'Keeffe

An artist never really finishes his work, he merely abandons it.

Paul Valery

Art for art's sake is a philosophy of the well-fed.

Frank Lloyd Wright

So vast is art, so narrow human wit.

Alexander Pope

To make us feel small in the right way is a function of art; men can only make us feel small in the wrong way.

E. M. Forster

Works of art, in my opinion, are the only objects in the material universe to possess internal order, and that is why, though I don't believe that only art matters, I do believe in Art for Art's sake.

E. M. Forster

When I judge art, I take my painting and put it next to a God made object like a tree or flower. If it clashes, it is not art.

Paul Cezanne

If we could but paint with the hand what we see with the eye.

Honore de Balzac

The aim of every artist is to arrest motion, which is life, by artificial means and hold it fixed so that a hundred years later, when a stranger looks at it, it moves again since it is life.

William Faulkner

Rules and models destroy genius and art.

William Hazlitt

Art is a collaboration between God and the artist, and the less the artist does the better.

Andre Gide

Art begins with resistance - at the point where resistance is overcome. No human masterpiece has ever been created without great labor.

Andre Gide

An artist is always alone - if he is an artist. No, what the artist needs is loneliness.

Henry Miller

In art as in love, instinct is enough.

Anatole France

The waking mind is the least serviceable in the arts.

Henry Miller

Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.

Fran Lebowitz

Every production of an artist should be the expression of an adventure of his soul.

W. Somerset Maugham

Vision is the art of seeing what is invisible to others.

Jonathan Swift

Art is science made clear.

Wilson Mizner

The business of art is to reveal the relation between man and his environment.

David Herbert Lawrence

A man paints with his brains and not with his hands.

Michelangelo

Art is magic delivered from the lie of being truth.

Theodor Adorno

The history of art is the history of revivals.

Samuel Butler

A picture is a poem without words.

Horace

Fashion is only the attempt to realize art in living forms and social intercourse.

Francis Bacon

Art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time.

Thomas Merton

All art is but imitation of nature.

Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Treat a work of art like a prince. Let it speak to you first.

Arthur Schopenhauer

Life is painting a picture, not doing a sum.

Oliver Wendell Holmes

An artist is somebody who produces things that people don't need to have.

Andy Warhol

I'm afraid that if you look at a thing long enough, it loses all of its meaning.

Andy Warhol

Art is not a study of positive reality, it is the seeking for ideal truth.

John Ruskin

Fine art is that in which the hand, the head, and the heart of man go together.

John Ruskin

Art is parasitic on life, just as criticism is parasitic on art.

Harry S. Truman

To say that a work of art is good, but incomprehensible to the majority of men, is the same as saying of some kind of food that it is very good but that most people can't eat it.

Leo Tolstoy

You don't take a photograph, you make it.

Ansel Adams

Not everybody trusts paintings but people believe photographs.

Ansel Adams

There is nothing worse than a sharp image of a fuzzy concept.

Ansel Adams

Art is man's expression of his joy in labor.

Henry A. Kissinger

Art, like morality, consists in drawing the line somewhere.

Gilbert K. Chesterton

Lying in bed would be an altogether perfect and supreme experience if only one had a colored pencil long enough to draw on the ceiling.

Gilbert K. Chesterton

Art consists of limitation. The most beautiful part of every picture is the frame.

Gilbert K. Chesterton

If you do not breathe through writing, if you do not cry out in writing, or sing in writing, then don't write, because our culture has no use for it.

Anais Nin

The beginning is the most important part of the work.

Plato

A guilty conscience needs to confess. A work of art is a confession.

Albert Camus

Without freedom, no art; art lives only on the restraints it imposes on itself, and dies of all others.

Albert Camus

The purpose of art is washing the dust of daily life off our souls.

Pablo Picasso

Some painters transform the sun into a yellow spot, others transform a yellow spot into the sun.

Pablo Picasso

The artist is a receptacle for emotions that come from all over the place: from the sky, from the earth, from a scrap of paper, from a passing shape, from a spider's web.

Pablo Picasso

Painting is just another way of keeping a diary.

Pablo Picasso

The essence of all art is to have pleasure in giving pleasure.

Dale Carnegie

Every artist dips his brush in his own soul, and paints his own nature into his pictures.

Henry Ward Beecher

Drawing is the honesty of the art. There is no possibility of cheating. It is either good or bad.

Salvador Dali

Painting is an infinitely minute part of my personality.

Salvador Dali

The terrifying and edible beauty of Art Nouveau architecture.

Salvador Dali

The art of art, the glory of expression and the sunshine of the light of letters, is simplicity.

Walt Whitman

If you hear a voice within you say 'you cannot paint, then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.

Vincent Van Gogh

Art is not a thing; it is a way.

Elbert Hubbard

Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.

Ambrose Bierce

Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.

Ambrose Bierce

The sculptor produces the beautiful statue by chipping away such parts of the marble block as are not needed - it is a process of elimination.

Elbert Hubbard

You can find more Art Quotes here: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_art4.html

Wisdom Quotes

The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.
Socrates

Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.

Thomas Jefferson

Wisdom begins in wonder. 

Socrates 

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

Albert Einstein

The doors of wisdom are never shut.

Benjamin Franklin

There are three faithful friends - an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.

Benjamin Franklin

Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Honesty is the best policy.

Benjamin Franklin

Wisdom, compassion, and courage are the three universally recognized moral qualities of men.

Confucius

By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.

Confucius

We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future.

George Bernard Shaw

Beware of false knowledge; it is more dangerous than ignorance.

George Bernard Shaw

If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart.

Nelson Mandela

A poem begins in delight and ends in wisdom.

Robert Frost

Nine-tenths of wisdom is being wise in time.

Theodore Roosevelt

Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.

Jim Rohn

Ignorant men raise questions that wise men answered a thousand years ago.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Wisdom is found only in truth.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

A good decision is based on knowledge and not on numbers.

Plato

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

Henry Ford

The teacher who is indeed wise does not bid you to enter the house of his wisdom but rather leads you to the threshold of your mind.

Khalil Gibran

A little knowledge that acts is worth infinitely more than much knowledge that is idle.

Khalil Gibran

Wisdom stands at the turn in the road and calls upon us publicly, but we consider it false and despise its adherents.

Khalil Gibran

It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see.

Henry David Thoreau

All this worldly wisdom was once the unamiable heresy of some wise man.

Henry David Thoreau

It is a characteristic of wisdom not to do desperate things.

Henry David Thoreau

Winners never quit and quitters never win.

Vince Lombardi

Winning is not everything, but wanting to win is.

Vince Lombardi

Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is Enlightenment.

Lao Tzu

A good head and a good heart are always a formidable combination.

Nelson Mandela

Turn your wounds into wisdom.

Oprah Winfrey

The truth is not for all men, but only for those who seek it.

Ayn Rand

Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.

George S. Patton

If I don't have wisdom, I can teach you only ignorance.

Leo Buscaglia

We should not judge people by their peak of excellence; but by the distance they have traveled from the point where they started.

Henry Ward Beecher

Good nature is worth more than knowledge, more than money, more than honor, to the persons who possess it.

Henry Ward Beecher

Wisdom is a sacred communion.

Victor Hugo

The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.

H. L. Mencken

The truest wisdom is a resolute determination.

Napoleon Bonaparte

I'd rather regret the things I've done than regret the things I haven't done.

Lucille Ball

To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.

Bertrand Russell

It is the nature of the wise to resist pleasures, but the foolish to be a slave to them.

Epictetus

The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.

William James

Wisdom is learning what to overlook.

William James

Patience is the companion of wisdom.

Saint Augustine

Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit.

Elbert Hubbard

Experience is not what happens to you; it's what you do with what happens to you.

Aldous Huxley

It is great folly to wish to be wise all alone.

Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Wisdom is not wisdom when it is derived from books alone.

Horace

A heart well prepared for adversity in bad times hopes, and in good times fears for a change in fortune.

Horace

Knowledge is of no value unless you put it into practice.

Anton Chekhov

People don't notice whether it's winter or summer when they're happy.

Anton Chekhov

The wisdom of the wise and the experience of the ages are perpetuated by quotations.

Benjamin Disraeli

Man is only great when he acts from passion.

Benjamin Disraeli

You must accept responsibility for your actions, but not the credit for your achievements.

Denis Waitley

Tis but a part we see, and not a whole.

Alexander Pope

Sorrow is knowledge, those that know the most must mourn the deepest, the tree of knowledge is not the tree of life.

Lord Byron

The end of wisdom is to dream high enough to lose the dream in the seeking of it.

William Faulkner

If you call failures experiments, you can put them in your resume and claim them as achievements.

Mason Cooley

Spectacular achievement is always preceded by unspectacular preparation.

Robert H. Schuller

The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom.

William Blake

A prudent question is one-half of wisdom.

Francis Bacon

It is impossible to love and to be wise.

Francis Bacon

Wise men make more opportunities than they find.

Francis Bacon

No man was ever wise by chance.

Lucius Annaeus Seneca

There is a wisdom of the head, and a wisdom of the heart.

Charles Dickens

In action a great heart is the chief qualification. In work, a great head.

Arthur Schopenhauer

Nobody can give you wiser advice than yourself.

Marcus Tullius Cicero

The young man knows the rules, but the old man knows the exceptions.

Oliver Wendell Holmes

Self-suggestion makes you master of yourself.

W. Clement Stone

Start wide, expand further, and never look back.

Arnold Schwarzenegger

We can't command our love, but we can our actions.

Arthur Conan Doyle

It has long been an axiom of mine that the little things are infinitely the most important.

Arthur Conan Doyle

It is better to risk starving to death then surrender. If you give up on your dreams, what's left?

Jim Carrey

The difference between chirping out of turn and a faux pas depends on what kind of a bar you're in.

Wilson Mizner

Cleverness is not wisdom.

Euripides

Life is a travelling to the edge of knowledge, then a leap taken.

David Herbert Lawrence

Wisdom outweighs any wealth.

Sophocles

Wisdom is the supreme part of happiness.

Sophocles

It is a common experience that a problem difficult at night is resolved in the morning after the committee of sleep has worked on it.

John Steinbeck

Climb the mountains and get their good tidings.

John Muir

Honesty is the rarest wealth anyone can possess, and yet all the honesty in the world ain't lawful tender for a loaf of bread.

Josh Billings

In every walk with nature one receives far more than he seeks.

John Muir

Learning sleeps and snores in libraries, but wisdom is everywhere, wide awake, on tiptoe.

Josh Billings

The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the one that gets the grease.

Josh Billings

If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.

Abraham Maslow

Be happy. It's one way of being wise.

Sidonie Gabrielle Colette

The more sand that has escaped from the hourglass of our life, the clearer we should see through it.

Jean Paul

Strong characters are brought out by change of situation, and gentle ones by permanence.

Jean Paul

Almost every wise saying has an opposite one, no less wise, to balance it.

George Santayana

In seeking wisdom thou art wise; in imagining that thou hast attained it - thou art a fool.

Lord Chesterfield

I didn't get where I am today by worryin' about how I'd feel tomorrow.

Ron White

The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails.

William Arthur Ward

Common sense in an uncommon degree is what the world calls wisdom.

Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk.

Doug Larson

Wisdom is the quality that keeps you from getting into situations where you need it.

Doug Larson

Rarely promise, but, if lawful, constantly perform.

William Penn

Wise kings generally have wise counselors; and he must be a wise man himself who is capable of distinguishing one.

Diogenes

The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance - it is the illusion of knowledge.

Daniel J. Boorstin

Wisdom begins at the end.

Daniel Webster

Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers.

Alfred Lord Tennyson

Who is wise in love, love most, say least.

Alfred Lord Tennyson

Memory is the mother of all wisdom.

Aeschylus

Of prosperity mortals can never have enough.

Aeschylus

A fool flatters himself, a wise man flatters the fool.

Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton

A wise man is superior to any insults which can be put upon him, and the best reply to unseemly behavior is patience and moderation.

Moliere

Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.

Joan Rivers

Better mad with the rest of the world than wise alone.

Baltasar Gracian

From the errors of others, a wise man corrects his own.

Publilius Syrus

Better be wise by the misfortunes of others than by your own.

Aesop

It requires wisdom to understand wisdom: the music is nothing if the audience is deaf.

Walter Lippmann

It's better to be a lion for a day than a sheep all your life.

Elizabeth Kenny

It is astonishing with how little wisdom mankind can be governed, when that little wisdom is its own.

William Ralph Inge

Always keep an open mind and a compassionate heart.

Phil Jackson

Wise sayings often fall on barren ground, but a kind word is never thrown away.

Arthur Helps

A mistake is simply another way of doing things.

Katharine Graham

Few of the many wise apothegms which have been uttered have prevented a single foolish action.

Thomas B. Macaulay

Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.

Joey Adams

It takes a great man to give sound advice tactfully, but a greater to accept it graciously.

Logan P. Smith

The less you talk, the more you're listened to.

Abigail Van Buren

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

Alan Kay

As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round.

Ben Hogan

It is much more difficult to measure nonperformance than performance.

Harold S. Geneen

Don't taunt the alligator until after you've crossed the creek.

Dan Rather

You have to find out what's right for you, so it's trial and error. You are going to be all right if you accept realistic goals for yourself.

Teri Garr

Perspective is worth 80 IQ points.

Alan Kay

When I can look life in the eyes, grown calm and very coldly wise, life will have given me the truth, and taken in exchange - my youth.

Sara Teasdale

Counsel woven into the fabric of real life is wisdom.

Walter Benjamin

Wisdom is always an overmatch for strength.

Phil Jackson

A man begins cutting his wisdom teeth the first time he bites off more than he can chew.

Herb Caen

Public opinion is no more than this: what people think that other people think.

Alfred Austin

The wisdom of the wise is an uncommon degree of common sense.

Dean Inge

It is the neglect of timely repair that makes rebuilding necessary.

Richard Whately

Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself.

Tom Wilson

Never does nature say one thing and wisdom another.

Juvenal

He who lives by the crystal ball soon learns to eat ground glass.

Edgar R. Fiedler

Repeat anything often enough and it will start to become you.

Tom Hopkins

The future has already arrived. It's just not evenly distributed yet.

William Gibson

If you want to be found stand where the seeker seeks.

Sidney Lanier

Virtues are acquired through endeavor, which rests wholly upon yourself.

Sidney Lanier

Give me a lever long enough and a fulcrum on which to place it, and I shall move the world.

Archimedes

To be satisfied with a little, is the greatest wisdom; and he that increaseth his riches, increaseth his cares; but a contented mind is a hidden treasure, and trouble findeth it not.

Akhenaton

You can't sweep other people off their feet, if you can't be swept off your own.

Clarence Day

What is man's ultimate direction in life? It is to look for love, truth, virtue, and beauty.

Shinichi Suzuki

He who devotes sixteen hours a day to hard study may become at sixty as wise as he thought himself at twenty.

Mary Wilson Little

He dares to be a fool, and that is the first step in the direction of wisdom.

James Huneker

Wisdom is knowing what to do next; virtue is doing it.

David Starr Jordan

If you believe the doctors, nothing is wholesome; if you believe the theologians, nothing is innocent; if you believe the military, nothing is safe.

Lord Salisbury

Some folks are wise and some are otherwise.

Tobias Smollett

The opportunity for brotherhood presents itself every time you meet a human being.

Jane Wyman

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